Stub your toe, and you'll probably say, "OW!", or "FRICK!", or "████!" (my parents would get mad if I wrote it out)
But in the fictional nation of Keves, they might say "Queen's spleen!", or "Queen's royal robes!"
Keves is a country in the game Xenoblade Chronicles 3. As you might have guessed, they have a queen, but they use her name in the strangest sort of expletives.
I mean, it starts innocently enough.
- "Queen's Oath, this pisses me off."
- "Will you quit shouting at everything for Queen's sake?!"
But then it gets... hilarious.
- "Queen's cuticles, I'm gonna hate this..."
- "Queen's fluffy tufts, so you've heard of me!"
- "Queen's paninis, please tell me this is over now."
Yep. Queen's paninis.
And honestly, I love it. Like, how deep does this rabbit hole go? What could possibly be more exotic than "Queen's paninis"??
Every Single "Queen's _____"
Permalink to "Every Single "Queen's _____""These are not in chronological order, nor am I citing who or when these were said to avoid game spoilers. But I did rate them, I mean why in queen's nose hairs would I not?
| Expletive | Quote | Rating |
|---|---|---|
| Queen's baubles | Queen's baubles, so our mystery guy was here all along!!! | 3/5 |
| Queen's beans | Queen's beans! There's not even a nick in it! Queen's beans, it's that bad? |
4/5, it rhymes |
| Queen's calves | ...Queen's calves, this guy is a mystery to me. | 4/5, better than thighs I guess? |
| Queen's crackers | Queen's crackers, lady, don't move it without telling us! | 3/5 |
| Queen's crispy fillets | Queen's crispy fillets! | 5/5, so Keves has fried chicken! |
| Queen's cuticles | Queen's cuticles, I'm gonna hate this... | 5/5, so specific |
| Queen's dimples | What in the Queen's dimples did you do to her? | 3/5 |
| Queen's fingers | Queen's fingers, that was close! | 2/5 |
| Queen's fluffy tufts | Queen's fluffy tufts, so you've heard of me! | 4/5, I'd never think to say this |
| Queen's knuckles | If you've got something to say, then do, or by the Queen's knuckles, I'll slap you. | 2/5 |
| Queen's knees | Huh, nothing? Queen's knees, what a waste of time... | 2/5, not as good as calves |
| Queen's laces | Queen's laces, you lot... Let a girl have her hobbies, will ya? | 3/5 |
| Queen's name | "Undying"? What in the Queen's name? | 1/5, too normie |
| Queen's oath | Queen's Oath, this pisses me off. Queen's oath... |
1/5 |
| Queen's paninis | Queen's paninis, please tell me this is over now. I'm knackered! | 5/5, perfect |
| Queen's primary feathers | Oh, Queen's primary feathers! You're still alive! | 4/5, six syllables?! |
| Queen's royal robes | Where in the Queen's royal robes could she be? | 3/5 |
| Queen's ruffles | Queen's ruffles...! | 3/5 |
| Queen's sake | And what were those soldiers, for Queen's sake? I thought I was goin' crazy! Don't just lie about it then! Queen's sake! Will you quit shouting at everything for Queen's sake?! (sigh) Queen's sake... |
1/5 |
| Queen's spleen | Queen's spleen, I hate that maniac... | 5/5, an internal organ?? |
| Queen's teeth | Queen's teeth, no wonder they wanna kill you! | 3/5 |
| Queen's wings | Queen's wings, have you lost the snuffin' plot?! Queen's wings, what is in this pot? Queen's flapping wings... Queen's flapping wings... She's completely off the rails... Ugh, I knew it... Queen's wings, just let us go! |
2/5, eh, it's her most prominent feature |
| Queen's word | Queen's word, we're looking into this ether cylinder fiasco with the utmost seriousness. | 1/5 |
How I Found These
Permalink to "How I Found These"I found the entire script of Xenoblade 3 online, downloaded it, and ran a simple shell script over the whole thing:
grep -rEi "Queen's [^[:space:]]+" Dialogue --include \*.json
Here's a breakdown of the code for the curious!
grep: Grep is a command for finding text in files.-rEi:rmeans search all folders and subfolders, andimeans ignore letter casing. TheEsays to search for a pattern rather than exact text."[^[:space:]]+: Find any word that doesn't have a space in it.--include \*.json: The scripts were injsonfiles, so this says to look at those files.
Finally, I just manually combed though the list and removed anything that wasn't an expletive, for instance "The Queen's Anniversary's gonna start without us, guys!". Had the list been too long, I might have turned to AI to pare the list down for me.